I had a rare misunderstanding with a client on the telephone. It was uncomfortable and we both raised our voices a bit; but, we were able to work through it successfully. Conflict and disagreement between people are constant realities; but, they don’t have to rule our lives, and they can actually be powerfully positive depending on how we view and try to resolve them. I don’t like conflict, and have always tended to view it as a necessary evil to be minimized.
I am discovering that if I step back and get a little perspective, I can learn things about myself from how I approach difficult conflict that can become trans-formative. Did I become immediately defensive and escalate the situation when confronted to prove my point when a disagreement gets heated, or was I willing to listen to the other person in order to understand their point of view and try to diffuse it? Am I willing to allow someone to express their “beef” with me, whether they are right or wrong, without retaliating? What am I ultimately trying to accomplish?
There are powerful lessons and wisdom born in the heat of disagreement that don’t emerge under peaceful circumstances if we take the time to analyze our own motives and behavior after we have come through a storm of conflict. I have certainly seen my true colors in those instances. Even if we get it wrong and handle it badly, there is opportunity to learn from the mistakes, so that we handle it better the next time. In fact, a relationship can become stronger with healthy conflict resolution. It reminds me of a song by Allen Levi called “Rough Weather Makes Good Timber”. Just a reminder that we can disagree without ruining a relationship.
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