A Day’s Takeaway

I had a rare misunderstanding with a client on the telephone. It was uncomfortable and we both raised our voices a bit; but, we were able to work through it successfully. Conflict and disagreement between people are constant realities; but, they don’t have to rule our lives, and they can actually be powerfully positive depending on how we view and try to resolve them. I don’t like conflict, and have always tended to view it as a necessary evil  to be minimized.

I am discovering that if I step back and get a little perspective, I can learn things about myself from how I approach difficult conflict that can become trans-formative. Did I become immediately defensive and escalate the situation when confronted to prove my point when a disagreement gets heated, or was I willing to listen to the other person in order to understand their point of view and try to diffuse it? Am I willing to allow someone to express their “beef” with me, whether they are right or wrong, without retaliating? What am I ultimately trying to accomplish?

There are powerful lessons and wisdom born in the heat of disagreement that don’t emerge under peaceful circumstances if we take the time to analyze our own motives and behavior after we have come through a storm of conflict. I have certainly seen my true colors in those instances. Even if we get it wrong and handle it badly, there is opportunity to learn from the mistakes, so that we handle it better the next time. In fact, a relationship can become stronger with healthy conflict resolution. It reminds me of a song by Allen Levi called “Rough Weather Makes Good Timber”. Just a reminder that we can disagree without ruining a relationship.

I have failed more than succeeded in life endeavors, largely because I didn’t put the necessary effort into understanding the cost and commitment , or really thinking through what’s needed to create the best opportunity for the most desired outcome. It’s easy for me to take a casual interest in something, do some cursory digging to be minimally informed, go do the thing, and then, surprise, surprise!, find that the results are less than hoped for and sometimes an outright bust. I am often blind to the deeper design and preparation considerations, as well as identifying the resources necessary to build a solid foundation and framework to give any worthwhile undertaking an opportunity to truly flourish.

My little vegetable garden is the current, somewhat well used metaphor for what I am talking about. It is pretty easy to clear a little ground, loosen some soil, buy some plants, put them in the ground, give them water and fertilizer, then hope for a good crop. The problem is, if I want the opportunity for a really good harvest, doing more than the minimal work is necessary. It is unrealistic to think that taking a superficial approach to anything is going to bring success. I know that for a vegetable garden to produce an outstanding crop, I have to take the time to plan, understand what the plants need to thrive, and prepare the soil with the best possible ingredients and composition to give the plants the best conditions in which to grow. I did not do that this year and the disappointing results bore that out.

It is important to count the cost of whatever you undertake, because committing to something fully will take time that you cannot devote to something else, but, if it is important, the sacrifice will be worth it.

Personal branding (In Moderation)

I admit that I get enamored with fancy words and cool catch phrases. Then, they get overused and become an annoying distraction. I remember when the idea of personal branding became a marketing concept years ago and I thought it was so creative. Now it is probably ready to join “think outside the box”, “paradigm shift” (which I must admit I am guilty of using), along with bad PowerPoint presentations. A generation ago if you talked about personal branding people might have thought you were getting a tattoo to remember who you were or belonged to. Ranchers brand their livestock to communicate identity. So, personal branding is really about how you frame yourself, what you represent, your motivations, how you can bring benefit, and communicating that message in an authentic way to your audience. The ever-expanding world of communication brings new opportunities for great personal communication, but also brings the pitfalls of poorly wielded personal power.

The world of social media has brought the concept of personal branding, personal marketing, what I would even call “personal social positioning” into sharper focus. Just like everyone became their own publisher when personal computers became ubiquitous, now, via social media, everyone is their own personal PR expert.The problem with these endeavors of promoting ourselves to the world comes when it is unprofessional   and inappropriately presented, or we overexposed our “personal brand” because…well, we can.  People light up Facebook and LinkedIn, Instagram, Snapchat, blah, blah, blah with countless banal personal “highlights”, stories or quotes. It’s the age-old good thing becoming excessive and overused, so it becomes ineffective. To be fair, a lot of the social media traffic isn’t necessarily motivated by self promotion, but just people sharing ideas and life experiences for fun and edification; however, if you take a step back and observe a slice of the social media blasting across our computer screens, we have kind of gone over the top. Personal branding can be a good thing, let’s just make it worthwhile. I’ll send you a Snapchat.